So I recently promoted myself to the position of Intelligence Officer with ASIO's Infernal Affairs Division. I chose to bypass the normal recruitment process due to concerns that my horns might have blown my cover. Ironic, when you consider that my extensive experience in politics, diplomacy and lies, would have immediately positioned me as an ideal candidate for employment. Turns our the salary package is non-existent but I'm not in it for the money. Even at this early stage, I've been outfitted with detailed dossiers on a number of targets for surveillance and placed in charge of my own field office in AdelHades. I get to choose my own stationary, tell lies about my neighbours and have even replaced the fluoros in my office with black candles. After years spent pretending to push paper at Centrelink, and even longer arresting invisible criminals for the Federal Police, I have my own office at Infernal Affairs. I'm writing this with a government issue laptop, a bag of